Modern Art Museum

On Friday, February 25, I went to the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth. At first, I couldn’t find the building, driving aimlessly between a few museums. Suddenly, I noticed a modern looking building in the distance and knew right away that was what I was looking for because of the architecture. For me, the architecture was my favorite part of the museum. The building itself, with big glass walls and water flowing closely to the glass, was spectacular. Before I even went to the museum, I read on the museums website that it felt as though one was walking on water. That statement was spot on. The combination of glass walls and water made it feel as though I was standing in a building that was on an island, floating in the middle of the pond.  I especially liked how a few pieces were placed in areas where the building stretched into the water. It added a new dimension to the art. In most museums I have been to, the museum seemed stuffy and compact. The Modern Art Museum, though, was much different, having wide-open spaces and large rooms. The architecture of the museum helped me understand the modernist movement and ideas.

            At times, this semester, I have struggled seeing and understanding modern ideas in the stories we have read. After attending the museum, though, the movement made much more sense to me. Seeing modern works visually, not just in readings, helped tremendously in comprehending the movement.  In almost all of the works, there was a sense of traditions being thrown aside in a spirit of experimentation. Some works were so different that it looked as if the painter just threw paint on a piece of canvas. There was no structure or sense of organization. In some pieces, I could feel a sense of rebellion and revolt against social norms.

            One piece in particular that stood out was Andy Warhol’s “Self-Portrait”.  In almost all portraits I have seen, the portrait displays a person of perfection or a person of nobility or importance. They are done with soft colors and vivid detail.  Warhol’s piece, though, was far different. His face was green, his hair disheveled, and his expression angry and intense.  There were also random splotches of green coming off his hair.  This was all done on a black background, which made the portrait jump off the wall.  The portrait seemed to go against every ideal that is usually seen in portraits.  It made me feel a sense of rebellion, a sense of danger that was about to happen. It also reminded me of the Big Brother in the novel “1984”. I imagined that Big Brother, who controlled the people and inspired passion and dangerous emotions, looked similar to this when he was projected.  The tone of the novel was dark, frustrated with authority, and pessimistic about the control over people. I felt Warhol’s piece had a similar tone and affect on its viewers.  I thought the piece, like the rest of the museum, captured the modernist movement effectively and evoked powerful emotions. 

“The Man Who Was Almost a Man”

After last Tuesdays class, I went back to my dorm and reread “The Man Who Was Almost a Man” because of the class discussion, realizing the story hit home more than I thought it did the first time I read through it.

            As a one of the few males in the class, I thought the story gave me a unique perspective to the piece.  The fight of trying to be a man as a teenage boy is more of a struggle that many males realize.  I noticed this more and more as I thought about how I was connected to the story.

Growing up, I watched sports and stories about athlete’s personal lives like it was my job, idolizing athletes and their ability to fight through adversity and become a champion. I wanted to be that guy; I strove to be that guy.  I thought they were true men. I remember watching Tiger Woods walk down the 18^th fairway on the cusps of winning a major and being mesmerized.  With his athletic ability, hard work, and ability to have an unmatched focus, I thought he was the quintessential man; not thinking of what else makes a man. Even closer to home, I looked up to my cousins who excelled at sports. In my mind, they seemed mature and tough. Because of my fascination with excelling in athletics, I worked tirelessly to be successful, hoping that people would think more of me.

As I grew older, though, I realized that being a man was much more than just being good at sports or running the fastest or jumping the highest. For a long time, though, I couldn’t put my finger on it. Being a man was something that always lingered in the back of my mind, like most boys, but I didn’t know how to be. I thought I was more of a man when I first got a cell phone, when I got my first car, and even when I tried alcohol for the first time. Still, though, I knew I wasn’t a man, not even close. Throughout my senior year, I knew I was getting close to being a man, but didn’t know why. Sure, I was more independent and had more obligations, but that wasn’t what makes a man.

Not until my first few weeks of college did I have a better understanding of being man was about. I found that it revolves around responsibility. Coming to college gave me more responsibility than I have ever had, and dealing with difficulties that come with responsibilities in many ways is what makes a man. Those athletes I looked up to were men, but not because they were good athletes. Rather, they were men who handled their responsibilities. They dealt with their responsibility as an athlete, as a person who could focus on what they needed to do at a certain moment, fight through adversity, and perform. Beyond athletes, a man is recognizable because they accept responsibility for their actions and perform the duties that are needed. They provide for themselves and take care of the people they are responsible for.

When I finished the story, I was left thinking if I was a man, and my conclusion was no I am not. The idea of being a man is great, and I would love to think in some ways I am. I still, though, don’t think I am mature enough and deal with all the responsibilities I face. And right now, I am not sure I want to be a man yet. Soon, though, something will inspire me to become a man or force me to be a man. I am still young, trying to find my place in life, shying away from some responsibilities.  I do not run from problems like Dave, but I certainly know the desire to get away from the problems occurring.  His desire to be a man and steps to be a man is something many males can relate with.

First meeting with Adil

On Thursday February 10, I met with Adil Aldosari, my ESL partner. Before I met with him, I had a mix of emotions somewhere between being anxious and worried, not knowing what I was getting myself into.  I felt that I should be more excited to meet someone from a different country, a different family, and a different way of thinking (little did I know, at that time, how different we are).  Breaking my comfort zone, like most people, is not a strong suit. Even coming to TCU, knowing about 20 of Kansas Citians, was a big step for me as an individual. Enrolling at TCU, I thought, was a great opportunity for me to test myself and not follow my friends to University of Kansas. My experience with Adil, I realized quickly, would definitely test my ability to interact with a person who is very different from myself.

            After a week or so of trying to meet (thanks, snow days), we finally found time to sit down and interact at Potbelly’s. At first, we made small talk, both complaining about the frigid, cold weather, both longing for the warm Texas weather to take over.  After we sufficiently established we didn’t like the cold, the conversation got a little more personal, talking about Adil’s adventure to the TCU campus. He was born and raised in Saudi Arabia, and then moved to Arlington, Texas, to attend University of Texas-Arlington. Saudi Arabia, according to Adil, sends thousands of students to study abroad in the United States. In fact, there were so many people from Saudi Arabia and people who spoke Arabic at UTA that Adil was unsatisfied with his experience and wanted something with less people like him. So, he packed his bags and moved to Fort Worth.

            The discussion moved along nicely with Adil explaining his love for travel and telling me about his visits all over the world. I was fascinated with how well traveled he is.  Then, the conversation established a boundary that I felt was far harder to break than the fact that he was from a different country. It started with him talking about why he joined the ESL program and how he wants to get his masters in marketing because of his past experience – 7 years - in the field. He, then asked, how old I thought he was. After missing 5 times, he informed me he was 31 years old with a wife and two kids.  To me, this made the conversation harder because he was so much older and mature. His lack of speaking English, which I thought would be the main barrier, was not much of a problem. He has faced the real world and dealt with problems that come with being older. Once I knew his age, I understood his interactions with me better. He was very comfortable and, at times, somewhat detached from the conversation, merely answering my questions and not asking me anything. At times, I thought he felt that he was meeting with me because he had to, not thinking our interactions would help him much. I am interested how he will interact in our next few meetings to see if this attitude will continue or not.

            As the conversation progressed, though, we got more comfortable with each other, and, eventually, he invited to his house for a home cooked meal. I look forward to meeting him again. Hopefully, I’ll feel a bit more excited and comfortable and less anxious about our next meeting.